HIV:Reality

I am a gay man who is not HIV positive but I have three good friends who are HIV positive. Two of the friends have been positive for over 10 years and anti-retrovirals are a part of their life now and they live 'normal' happy lives. The third friend was diagnosed HIV positive only a couple of years ago and is a closer friend so I have lived with his experience of being diagnosed and having had to go on anti-retrovirals last year. His anti-retrovirals are unfortunately dictating his life at the moment. He doesn't work 9-5 hours, his hours are more erratic and likewise, are his eating habits but he has to time his anti-retrovirals with his meals. He finds it so frustrating and I am so glad the HIV: Reality is this years' theme for World AIDS Day. I wish that everyone who goes out and has unprotected sex knows clearly what the risks and although they may become HIV positive, this is no longer a 'death sentence' in the UK because of anti-retrovirals, but the pills are not like a few vitamins, they are potent pills with a strict adherence regime. One night of unprotected sex is just not worth the risk.

I was infected nine years ago. Two years later I developed 'a beetroot face'. My whole face was constantly red. Friends, not knowing I was HIV+, thought I was drinking too much alcohol. (I noticed how people started to try and steer me away from drink! They were just doing their best to figure out why I had the red face.) Next, on top of the red face, I developed psoriasis on the face - embarrassing peeling skin along with dozens of tiny whiteheads. At the same time all of my toenails became yellow and infected with fungus under the nail. No amount of topical creams could get through the nails to cure it. I had to start hiding my feet during the summer (I always had to wear socks, so people wouldn't see the yellow/brownish nails). Four years after infection my HIV specialist rang to say that my CD4 count had plummeted to 120 and that I had better visit him again quickly in order to start treatment.  

I am Silvia and I was diagnosed in 1997 in Rome, Italy. Like anybody else receiving an HIV diagnosis I was utterly shocked. Why me? I kept asking myself.  I found it really hard to cope, the shame and the consequent isolation made me feel deeply depressed.

I found out I was HIV positive august 14, 2002. I was infected by my so called fiancé. I had many emotions, depressed, crying, happy, sad, angry and hurt. There were many times I thought about suicide, but I thought about my one and only son. He already lost his dad to AIDS, so I couldn't bring myself to take him through that again. I could hear the thoughts and whispers of what they thought of me and how they looked at me. People are so quick to put you in the ground (dead and buried); family too. I've been involved with two organizations that are educating me so I can be an educator to my peers. It's not easy always to live this life, but that's why I'm doing what I'm doing, I want to show LOVE, CARE, and CONCERN to people like me. We need love too; our lives don't end because we're HIV positive or have AIDS! But people are ignorant to the fact because they don't know. They don't know the difference between HIV and AIDS. And you can live a healthy normal life. Still, regardless of the negative people and their whispers. My life is in God's hand and he won't put no more on me than I can bear! So lift your head up and be blessed!

I have been HIV+ for 5 years and have been on antiretroviral therapy for 4 of those years. There have been minor side effects and from the medical point of view I have been very satisfied with my situation. My problems have arisen when I had to disclose to employers (when applying for new jobs). Initially some employers tried to discriminate but soon changed their approach when they were threatened with the DDA. In two jobs I have held, since being diagnosed, there has been a systematic attempt to get me to leave the job, either by trying to make me appear to be incompetent or through false accusations which have made my position very uncomfortable and stressful. A possible source of the problem appears to be the unions and their view that HIV+ people can be a Health and Safety risk - their line of reasoning being that if I have an accident, am bleeding and get knocked out, anyone assisting me may not be aware of my HIV status and so could become infected.

Back in the 80's I worked in HIV prevention and saw myself as quite knowledgeable about HIV. My life moved on and so did my career. I no longer kept up to date.

My name is Kevin John Hunt, aged 56, and I am from Brighton.

                                                 MY HIV DIAGNOSIS

                                        DISCLOSURE

                                                LIVING WITH HIV TODAY                          

I do not want to think about how many friends I have lost through HIV and AIDS. The very first friend was so ill so quickly, we couldn't even see him in hospital to say goodbye because he didn't want anyone to see him like that. This was before meds were talked about very much. It shocked me so much, that one day he was fit - very athletic, full of life, and then a few weeks later unable to walk up a small hill to see his Doctor.

We live in a promiscuous society whether we believe that or not, and I think that because my generation didn't experience the first outbreak of AIDS we feel that it doesn't affect us, but we're so wrong. I have had a HIV test recently, which thankfully came out negative but I feel like a complete idiot for putting myself at risk in the first place. Girls like me will hear the same thing from guys all the time "Oh we don't need to use a condom, I don't have anything". But it's this kind of blind trust and denial against the reality that could make the problem worse. We can't make the problem go away by shutting our eyes to it.

HIV has affected me in the saddest of ways – last year I lost my Uncle to an HIV related illness and he chose not to disclose his status to any of the family or even to his closest friends until a few days before the end of his life – we will never know why.

I was diagnosed with HIV in 2006, and after the initial shock life returned to normal. It was only in 2008 that I had to start medication, and after initial problems I was able to go back to work and live well. Medication does make the body work harder, and this impacts energy levels, but overall things haven't been so bad.

Six months ago I had unprotected sex with someone who failed to tell me they were HIV positive. It's something that I'd never done before and we were both pretty drunk which definitely impaired both our judgements. Initially I was extremely angry with him for not disclosing his HIV status but decided that I am ultimately responsible for my own well-being and should not have let myself get into that situation in the first place. I went to the nearest A&E dept who started me on a course of PEP and went to my local GUM clinic a few days later to continue the course. My appointed nurse at my local HIV clinic was helpful, informative and sympathetic. I have had my 3 month test and thankfully have tested negative. And to think that I could have avoided the months of anguish and the horrible side effects of the PEP. I have learned a very valuable lesson and advise everyone to drink responsibly so as to be able to make informed decisions that may affect your health and well-being.

I had been content in my relationship with my partner for a few years and we decided to buy a house together. We got our mortgage and then had to get life insurance. They asked on the form if we were gay - the box was ticked! A few weeks later we were asked to go for an HIV test. We were not worried and off we went to be tested, by a thug of a doctor in a shabby looking clinic. He only managed to get a tiny amount of blood. He said that the insurance company would get back to me and continue with the process and that if I had not heard anything bad within a few weeks then all was good! We forgot about it and got on with our lives.

I was diagnosed back in 2004. I will never forget that exact day and neither will I forget the difficult months that followed after my diagnosis. Dealing with HIV is difficult and painful, not to mention the side-effects from the medications. Never in a million years did I think I would be one of the statistics. It was hard, still is even after 5 years. I still haven't disclosed to my parents (they would be devastated if they ever found out). Just a handful of my family know, and by that I mean my siblings. One of the main reasons why it is so hard is because of my religion. I am a Muslim, and was taught to uphold my religion strongly. The stigma that surrounds this illness is astonishing and that is also one of the reasons why it is so hard for most people to come out and disclose their status. It is really sad because HIV and AIDS are affecting and infecting Muslim men and women around the globe, but no one seems to do anything about it. Hopefully, I want to be the voice of my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters, and someday I pray to get the courage to come out and disclose my status and share my story. Every HIV infected person out there has a story to tell.

I was told in May 2009 that I was HIV positive. I am a married man but had one night stands with men many years ago. I have no clue who infected me or when that happened. My partner was devastated as was I. I had to tell her and my two children. Thank God, they are all negative.

It was my 27th birthday on the 10th of September, and on the 22nd of June next year it will be 10 years that I have lived with HIV.
I fell in love at the age of 17, a young boy with so much love to give. I walked through life with a smile on my face. I was more than content with life, love and independence. Until one day I sat in the midst of a domestic, where the truth I had not known was told. My instinctive response to the man that I loved was 'well I still love you'.
I thought we would be strong and get through this together, my rock by my side to walk hand in hand in the journey that is life. Then not much more time elapsed and I was alone. He could not face me every day, it must have been destroying him inside like a huge burden of guilt. My mother had moved away, and rather than address any issues that we had, I was cast to one side.
From the day that I knew there was a possibility of this infection living inside me. There's no way to describe the feelings I held back then, that are still with me now, only time has let me understand. The day of my test came and I was all over, scared, frightened, nervous, worried, anxious, today was the day I would know. How will I cope? What will I do? Who can I tell? Where do I go? Looking back it was all like a movie. I sat in the waiting room to hear a nurse call out my number; she held the door for me to follow her down the corridor. The sound of her feet as she walked still resounds to this day in my head. I take the seat in front of her. The tick of the clock is all I can hear, and it ticks, and it tocks. 'Til I hear the words 'there is no easy way of telling you this' and she leans forward reaching out her hand which lands on my knee 'you are HIV positive'
I remember it was a sunny day, yet all I could sense was clouds and gloom. I sobbed just like a baby. The first thought in my head was of failure, first education, then sexuality and now this and I had not yet reached my 18th.
I only recently came to terms with living with 'HIV' Three years ago I began therapy, was taking medication daily. I did not think that I would be able to cope. Then the day came when I sat with the pills in front of me. After hours of thoughts and feelings and emotions I swallowed them.
It has been my life long goal to never inflict to others what has been inflicted upon me, and that is within all aspects of life. I live with a heart full of emotion, a head full of questions, then there is only my soul, that is, without peace.

I have so many mixed feelings… I have been married to a man for 25 years and I am still with him and love him… Yet I feel guilt, shame that he was unfaithful and gave me HIV. I feel like a mug that I didn't protect myself. I have all the knowledge and it is your responsibility to protect yourself even after decades of marriage.  I worked with sexual health and I know the risks, but I trusted my man.  I'm 56 years old and I realised I had HIV at 55. For God's sake, it's never what I thought my life would be. I am never going to have a normal life. It's not the virus that takes it away; it's the way it's viewed. Everything else I've ever had is changeable, but not HIV. You can't cure it, but you can change it. You can have drug therapy. You can have medical treatment and you can work to change people's attitudes. But whatever. You have HIV, you can't change this. I think it takes years to get used to that. People think "It will never happen to me" and I tell them it can. Yes you may well be lucky… you might get away with it 200 and 1 times, but you can never be sure.

The problem is getting the message out there to the general public and young people. It's not a good thing to have HIV and just go on drugs, because it affects every single thing about your life. Because we have antiretrovirals, people think we're better off but it's still devastating. It's still life changing. It's a funny thing because whether or not they seem at first to be ignorant of HIV most of the people I know in my community, my friends and my relatives have not displayed any particular ignorance. They've all been happy to be in my home, to drink from my cups, to eat my food, to cuddle me - whatever….At first I was completely naïve. I thought "Why should I be not open about this, it’s just a damned virus, isn’t it?"  To me, even though it’s sexually transmitted but so is HPV which causes 70% of cervical cancer and that is not stigmatised in the same way.

But there was one incident when my husband was in hospital for 14 days with PCP. He was very ill. I just noticed that the nurses hadn't changed the sheets.  Why hadn’t they changed the sheets? Because he has HIV and the sheets had some blood on them - that’s why they hadn't changed them! That kind of thing made me realise how ignorant people are. Even nurses in hospitals…But basically it’s not a choice for me to be open, I just have to be. There’s no way I could go through life picking and choosing who I mention HIV to. Now I tell everyone, well, those who matter to me. Not that I go out telling the postman! 

As an African woman with the background that I come from we usually embrace the family and look after everyone else first, but I'm learning that it's important to look after myself too. The main ways that HIV has impacted my life is that it's given me more education about sexually transmitted diseases and has helped me learn about putting myself first, and understand how to live with a long-term disease.  The treatment, looking after yourself, eating healthily, the importance of exercising, and the importance of talking about things when you are not feeling well or if you have worries about your treatment or anything else that you may have worries about involving your life - it's important to talk about it rather than keep it all inside. When I was diagnosed, I was living in shared housing.  I was diagnosed with TB and then down the line, I found out I was HIV positive.  It was really difficult for me to understand the Social Services system because I was new to everything, I was new to the NHS medical treatment and I was new to Social Services.  I didn't know what I was entitled to. It took a while for me to ask for assistance. I had to get a lawyer, and then my immigration status was changed. We applied for limited leave on compassionate grounds. Once my status changed, I was entitled to apply for benefits, but for me to understand all that, it was a job! I've become a public speaker about HIV in education, and I think it has made me stronger. Instead of going to talk to a counsellor when I am not feeling well, the talks that I give are like therapy. Last year I did a lot of schools.  As an outsider, you can talk to students at a level they understand. They think that they are just going to "have sex". And you ask them, what are the implications of just "having sex"…And you tell them about living with the virus, taking medication, but they also see you laughing and joking around. You can say to them, "I went to see 'Mamma Mia!' the musical and I met some people" and talk about your real life outside of HIV. They see that I am a real person.

I was like an ostrich with my head in the sand to the entire subject before it sort of reared its head and came along and bit us, and it was just something that was never gonna happen to me. Not something that happened to white heterosexual working class women in their twenties or thirties like me…Time heals, I suppose. You just get a better sense of the facts. It's not all that bad and I'm not ill and I'm not getting ill.  The meds are working and you get used to going for your blood tests at the hospital. Obviously when my partner got infected there was the initial shock, and then the worry and then the learning. My partner was misdiagnosed by three different doctors, and kept complaining he was poorly and kept taking him to various GP’s and hospitals and kept getting misdiagnosed. I got to the hospital and found him in a cubicle with lots of tubes and monitors and oxygen masks and couldn’t talk, couldn’t explain, unknown diagnosis, just everybody rushing around, panicking and I didn’t really get any sense out of anybody. I went back to the hospital and he told me that he had HIV, and then I sort of took it upon myself to tell his parents because he was still in such a bad way. I got myself tested the following day, and they rushed my test results through. I actually met really helpful staff and came across people who were really supportive. I had a really good cry that evening to his mum and that was about it. That was the first initial week, and I was in a bit of, how can I explain it, you know when you're sort of looking in, like you're watching a film and it’s not really happening to you, and you just think 'I’m gonna wake up, its not real, it's just a bit of a dream, things like this just don’t happen to me' but obviously as time went by, it was happening and it was real. A lot of queries don't have answers, you know like when we were looking at holidays and things and the children asked, "Can we go to Disney World, to Florida?" (Note from NAT: President Obama has recently announced that the US travel ban will be lifted in 2010). And we said, "Yeah, yeah, of course" and then you know you can't… When you're trying to explain to your children why you're not allowed to go somewhere or do something it's really, really difficult to put it in a context where they are able to accept it and understand it properly.

It is my own experience, and belief, that living with HIV is not a trivial matter than can be reduced to a simple statement like ‘I take a few pills a day and I’m fine’. We with HIV often say things like this to satisfy the curiosity of people ‘out there’ who don’t have HIV.

What do we really mean when we say ‘fine’? Do we mean ‘fine’ medically? Or do we mean ‘fine’ socially and psychologically? People with HIV suffer their share of isolation and the sense of living in the margins of mainstream society. Couple that with other factors, like gender, race, sexuality, culture, and you have powerful combinations of factors at play that cause people with HIV to feel less worthy, less ‘normal’, and more isolated in the world.

We are a community who experience a very different life and a very different world from people who do not have HIV, but our issues are often invisible. There are the medical realities – treatment, pills, resistance issues to medications after long-term use, eventual damage of HIV itself on the body and long term side effects of the medications themselves that are designed to keep us well – but there are also the social and psychological considerations.

Often people with HIV respond to questions about what it is like to have HIV on purely a medical level, because we perceive that this is what people want to hear about and will tolerate. But to have HIV is also to know one’s fair share of isolation and marginalisation within a society that blames us, to begin with, for having it.  

I was diagnosed with HIV early 2009. At the time I came down with an infection which was initially dismissed as flu. However, I suspected there was more to it and a general blood test confirmed this. I will never forget that fateful Saturday in mid-March when I went to a clinic to get myself tested. I was positive. I was mortified. HIV - I thought - is other people.

I am an African woman in my 50s. I was diagnosed in 2006. I left my job when they realised that I had HIV. I used to take time off work and my boss asked me about it.  Somehow somebody sneaked in my desk drawer and saw the medication I was taking and from there they just started to make assumptions: "Oh, so you’re taking more time off, you can’t concentrate on your work"…At the end of the day I was made redundant because of that.  When they were making me redundant they said my position no longer existed, but definitely I knew they were handing over my job to somebody else…As of now I'm only friendly to those people who are like me.  And those people who are not like me, I'm not free with them. For instance, when I left my job I went to stay at the house of a friend who is not positive and when she realised I was positive she told me "You better look for another relative's place." …One of my children, my son, my first one, is not talking to me. In my culture HIV is like a very serious offense to them. I’ve been isolated from my activities, my friends and wherever I go I don’t feel like I used to feel before, because I feel like I'm isolated… you know like when you go to the gym and somebody knows you in the gym, then you see their reaction changing. I used to do a lot of sports…I played field events, I was athletic, I was a netballer…which now I can’t do, I cannot do this because of the effect on my legs. The nerves in my leg were completely damaged with a blood clot. And they referred me to a specialist where they said they cannot do anything because the nerves were so damaged. So I have very little circulation of blood in my legs. So this is what is going on with me…It has really affected me because when I think of what I was and what I am now I just sit down and start crying. And even now when I am talking to you I am being overtaken. I am being overtaken by that anger. I didn't mean to be in this situation but somehow it is in me and I have to accept it.

Hello,

I gradually rebuilt a life in the UK for myself and my child with the support of my family. In 1999 I attended a national conference for people living with HIV, the Getting It Right Conference. It was so empowering being with other people in a similar position and it helped me come to terms with my diagnosis. From this conference was spawned a Welsh lobbying and advocacy group, Positive Tongue, which operated for several years. I co-chaired a spin-off seminar from the conference and sat on a Welsh Assembly ante-natal screening committee and on the organisational committee for the Changing Tomorrow conference in 1994. From this came the creation of PozFem UK, the Network of Women Living With HIV in the UK of which I am a member and a Regional Co-ordinator. http://www.poz-fem-uk.org/ I have met many inspiring woman through PozFem. I've recently been an interviewer for the global Stigma Index project http://www.stigmaindex.org/. All of this 'activism' has given meaning to the death of my loved ones and of millions of others.

In a way, my story of living with HIV is a bit of a non-story, but I think it's important to tell it nonetheless in the hope that it might help anyone who's newly diagnosed, or thinking about getting tested, or who knows someone in that position, to make decisions about their future.

I went into heart failure 8 years ago and was seriously ill. I spent 5 weeks in hospital not knowing what had caused it. They asked me to take a HIV test which I agreed to, thinking I haven't got it. I knew about HIV as my best friend had been diagnosed 5 years previously. I can remember the social worker coming back in on the Friday evening with the news that I had been diagnosed with HIV. I should have realised really, I had a lot of the symptoms for several months prior, such as weight loss and sickness. I don't really know how I felt at the time, but I just thought it's not going to get the better of me. I started on meds straight away. I even got my friend to start taking meds too. We are both healthy and I am still working.

When I was diagnosed with HIV exactly 2 years ago, it came as a very big shock as I thought I wouldn't be...I was wrong!

The stigma of HIV is the fact that you are described as HIV positive by Health Care Professionals even though the presenting complaint is not HIV related.

I have always dreamed of a professional career in housing, throughout years of unemployment due to HIV infection. But a lack of experience and confidence left me unsure where to start.

I was diagnosed three years ago after feeling very unwell for over a year. I had had so many different tests and my partner of 10 years had started coming with me to see some of the specialists, he was so concerned. Eventually, a chest specialist seeing us together asked if I had had "the test". I had not - it had never occurred to me that I should, after all I had been in a monogamous relationship for 10 years! I took the test and told the specialist that we were due to go on holiday for two weeks - perhaps all I needed was a good rest! The day before we were due to go away I was at work and my partner was packing at home. The specialist phoned him to say that he had the results and needed to speak to me urgently. My partner told him it was difficult to get hold of me and so the specialist told him that I had AIDS, that my AIDS-defining illness was viral encephalitis - and that if we were to go on holiday for two weeks I would in all probability be coming home in a box. We didn't go on holiday - and I am here to tell the story. Life goes on. Never the same. But in some strange way stronger, more focussed, with a greater realisation of what is important to me.

I don't think my life was ever meant to be like this...

I have never cried so much at so many sad things, all the funerals, the loss, and now with them all gone, the loneliness.

All of my friends have died and now I don't bother to make new ones, I'm just so scared that they will die too...

I try to ignore World AIDS Day! I have nothing to celebrate and no joy in my heart.

It is too painful to remember them all but there isn't an hour that passes me by without an image of one of them comes into my mind.

I don't acknowledge Word AIDS day because with each pill I take I'm reminded that it's always another AIDS day.

I am totally disabled now, my mobility severely restricted, I take about 45 pills a day and I take them thankfully as I do believe I am blessed.

I have a partner who loves me unconditionally, he is HIV negative, I have a Mother who loves me and if that is all the love in the world then I know I am truly blessed.

Hi all,

I was diagnosed HIV positive in 1984. I was notified by a mortgage company who insisted that I had to take the test to obtain life insurance. In those days It was difficult to tell people you were HIV positive so I kept it to myself for a number of years. I was offered treatment early on from my diagnosis, but decided that was my final playing card so resisted. In those days many HIV positive people were being used for experimental treatments, unfortunately many of them including many of my friends did not survive the toxic drugs. I was hearing of and going to funeral after funeral of young men. It was like a silent war, many gay men were committing suicide just through the fright of having to go through the AIDS illness. Even some gay venues were discriminating against people with notable signs of AIDS. I didn’t start treatment until 18 years after my diagnosis and am happy to say that apart from a few hospitalisations for chest infections, septicaemia, and Kaposi’s sarcoma, I am still here to tell the tale. The thing that I find most difficult though is having lost all my close friends from my teenage years. Saying that, I now have an undetectable viral load. At this time of year everything is bought back to me. I lost my ex-partner and soul mate on the 21st December 1996, Paul Denton. One thing I would like all the young gay men to remember is many gay men perished in order that you may live a longer healthier gay life. Please wear a ribbon and don’t forget all those who had no choice but to leave us. If you think the epidemic is over think again, all you have to do is visit one of the many HIV wards and you will see that the beds are still full. You have a choice, show a little respect to those that didn't and protect yourself and others.

I had never had an HIV test or a sexual health check before. I had started a new relationship and my new boyfriend had discovered he had an STI. So I went along to the clinic. I had a full health screening and they asked if I wanted a HIV test. I agreed without much thought. They had asked me lots of questions and I had been honest. That year I had had two incidents with strangers when I had not used a condom. I had never done that before. I had no intention of it happening again but they seemed unconcerned by this.

I have been living with HIV for nearly 20 years, Initially it was really scary and a massive shock. I did not know of anyone else who had HIV, I had seen the adverts with ice bergs and gravestones and the leaflet that came through the door.  Then there were the pictures of people wasting away, but it was something distant and unrelated to me or any of my experiences. I was in my early twenties and a white woman living in a small town in Yorkshire. It stopped me in my tracks a bit and changed who and what I identified with. It made me re-consider who and what mattered.  HIV has been a teacher in many ways, I have learnt that I am resourceful and I have grown wiser and stronger from living with HIV.    Of course there are many lessons that I haven’t liked. The fragility of life for one. It has been a real learning curve that has stretched me in every way imaginable.

A lot has happened in my life since I was diagnosed with HIV and TB. I'm an African woman in my 30s and I was diagnosed only last year.

Basically, at the moment because of the HIV situation, my marriage broke up. I came to this country to join my partner -- that is the reason why I migrated from Africa to the UK. At that time I was very excited because I had never been out of the country before and also, I was excited because I was coming to join my husband. Yes, life was good…until I became very sick in April 2008. After the diagnosis it came out that I was HIV positive and also had TB of the lungs…and my health had really deteriorated, and from this result the attitude of my husband changed completely.  At that time I was really sick, my CD4 count was 54 and at the same time the right side of my lung was full of water… and because I was very weak they could not have me on the anti-retroviral treatment…They also did a test on him, and he came out negative. And after that his attitude towards me really changed because he just blamed me directly…S

o I started asking myself: "So this is what it means to be HIV positive?… People who love you will run away from you.  And now there's no love at all." In fact the day I told my husband that I'm HIV positive he never came close to me and he never touched me and he never kissed me again…I have friends in Africa who died because of lack of available treatment, because there is no medication. For them to access good medication of good quality they have to buy it and it is very expensive. . . back home people are still not educated about HIV, so there’s still a lot of stigma and discrimination… I'm feeling really confident in myself now. . . Before you could just tell something is wrong with me, that is why I say I am really grateful regarding the kind of treatment we get here in the UK.  Back home we can't get this kind of treatment to make us go back to our normal health.

When I got tested and got the results it was heartbreaking, really.  I just felt my life was over.  I lost hope.  My clock stopped.   “I will be dead any minute” I thought.  That was how I felt.  I came to a standstill.  Until I started finding more information on HIV, that’s when is started living again. I started going to the Support Group and then I started getting more information about HIV and then I realised there is life with HIV.  I had enough knowledge to see people from that group for people to live 10 years, 15 years and with medication around, I thought, “OK I have a chance to survive.”  I started coming back.

Dear HIV,

Late 2001 I have an HIV test and it was negative, I used to get tested every 6 months but stopped getting tested after that. Jump forward now to autumn 2004 and I find out two of my friends have been diagnosed with HIV, and I start think maybe I should go for a test again but kept putting it off. End of February, beginning of March 2005 and I have a mild bout of pneumonia and that seriously gets me thinking about going for a test. In my mind I had accepted that I was already HIV positive and knew what the result would be, I got tested in May 2005, and yeah it came back positive. No biggie for me, I coped with it.

6 months ago I started with acute diarrhoea but no weight loss and no other symptoms, as I work in catering I was worried I was carrying something contagious so had all the relevant tests, but nothing was showing up as to the problem, even camera tests showed nothing. It was very worrying as I thought I had bowel cancer and already suffer from IBS. 3 weeks ago a phone call from a guy I was seeing (not a relationship as he has a partner) changed my life...I was stupid enough to have unprotected sex as I had been seeing him for over a year and didn't think he would put me at risk, besides feeling very stupid as I am a mature gay man of 56 having been in a long term relationship for 14 years which ended in 2004. I have always been careful but really never went in for casual sex and had regular checks every 6 months even though I wasn't sexually active with anyone.

I was diagnosed with HIV in June 2008. It was totally unexpected, I had become ill and it was only during a process of elimination that I ended up agreeing to have a HIV test. I will never forget the day I was told I was HIV positive. It was a very hot day outside, and I was sat with an HIV counsellor in the hospital. I couldn't tell you what she said to me, nothing was going in at all. Although everyone says to you that it doesn't mean it's the end of the world for you, you cannot help but think about what the future will hold. I consider myself lucky - it's been 17 months since I was diagnosed and as yet I don't have to even consider antiretrovirals yet. I've also recently started on a clinical trial. It works in test tubes so this is the next step!

I was diagnosed with HIV at Xmas 2004. I'd been living in France, and came back to the UK to spend the holiday with friends, but I had been feeling rough with a bad chest infection for a couple of weeks beforehand. I'd been working very hard, and I was convinced I just needed a good rest to recover. By Christmas Eve I was so unwell I could barely walk, and breathing was a huge effort. I ended up in A&E, where I was immediately diagnosed with pneumonia and put onto drugs. The next question, had I had an HIV test? Well, to be honest, I was in the 'it-couldn't-happen-to-me-so,-no,-I -haven't-had-a-test' group.

Hi there, well, I was diagnosed 15/05/2008 HIV positive, although I had not been tested for 3 years before that date. When diagnosed it appeared that I had been positive for a fair while and was straight on to meds. I regret not being tested so much and I allowed something to eat away at my mental health which in turn has caused me some real problems. I have always been quite an anxious person and have now become a bit of a nervous mess, I began to experience panic attacks at work and at home, began thinking I was going to get attacked, stopped going out, began to fear that I had infected loads of people, have no self-esteem, have gained weight to a point of extreme unattractiveness, had to give up work, attend counselling, got a puppy, gave up smoking which has only added to my weight gain, have been very lonely and completely sexually frustrated and apart from feeling like a dog at the moment it appears that nobody else is actually HIV positive in my area and I would like to meet someone, but I doubt I will ever be able to have a loving and sexual relationship again and this really does upset me.

On the 7th March 2007, my dad's birthday, I discovered that I was HIV positive. I was stunned and immediately went to see my partner, who was already living with it. We sat on the bed and sobbed but soon both helped each other to get used to my diagnosis.

Hi, my name is Jamie, my best friend died of lymphoma this June and it broke my heart. I have been HIV positive for 2 years. I'm frightened that I will get AIDS related lymphoma like Jon did. He was my everything, and I can't let go. My heart is so broken. I wish people would take HIV seriously.

I was diagnosed HIV positive 5 years ago after a condom split during sex. I was devastated and like other before me thought, 'this is it'. After a year I started treatment. The side effects were unpleasant, though subsided a bit after time. I had to change treatments at one point because of the side effects, and the risk they posed to my long term outcome. I still have side effects from my treatment and they are not pleasant and I feel unwell most of the time. Yes we can have a normal life span thanks to medication, but we need to tell people that it is not an easy life. I have too often I've heard it said 'well if I catch it, I just have to pop a pill'. Not always that simple.

I have been diagnosed with HIV for the past two years. When I first found out I was very upset and thought my life would end very quickly. I brought a friend with me and did not tell her what the result was for, but told her I had a bad illness that could kill me. Having the courage to tell people is hard. To date I have not confided in anyone with the information that I am HIV positive. However, it did make me concentrate on my life and do what is best for me. I have not told my family yet. I am healthy and living with it. I don't let it affect my life. It's an illness and I am still able to live. Thus my advice to anyone just diagnosed would be to stop, think, review, look after yourself and enjoy the rest of your life. You will still have a long life like every one else. It's no death sentence that it used to be. Remember it can happen to anyone, gay, straight or bi. To be honest I don't know how I got infected. I don't blame anyone for me getting this. Many people don't know they have it.

I have been HIV positive for 8 years now, like most people I had no idea I was positive, until I got viral meningitis & was admitted to hospital very ill. From then on it has been one battle after another with ill heath.

I am currently in year 2 of my "new life". It has been an experience! I don't regret what has happened to me, it has changed my outlook on life. I have always kept healthy although my body has taken a battering! I have been on meds for nearly 6 months.

I got HIV and found out on my birthday. I am thirty nine, I feel fine at the moment. It was the worst day of my life. I've not told anyone apart from my partner who is fine. I also get tired most of the time.

As for everyone who learns the news of their diagnosis, I was beyond devastated, I just couldn't come to terms with it and I couldn't even speak the words....it was 8/9 months before I told anyone and the relief was tremendous....I was really poorly when I first found out, and was advised to go on to meds as soon as possible. So what did I do? I ran away, I booked a flight to Egypt and went and hid away for a week, thinking I could escape from it, because in my mind at the time going onto med's meant it was the beginning of the end. They would just keep me alive for a while or make the demise easier...

I was diagnosed with HIV in December 2004, it's been 5 years and I'm still here, still fit and healthy and still making plans for the future. I work full time, run a home and enjoy time with friends and my two sons. Most of all, I remember every day to count my blessings on being born here in this country and not in those parts of the world where HIV treatment is at best poor and at worst nonexistent.  I'm not complacent, I do think and worry about what the future holds but at the same time I'm an optimist and hope that one day a cure will be found. If I am honest I don't think of myself as a person living with a potentially fatal disease. I take my medication religiously and it's at those moments that I remember I am positive; otherwise I just get on with living my life. I have a stressful and demanding career and yet it's one I wouldn't change for the world. My HIV in no way hinders my ability to work hard or enjoy every moment of the day. I don't view myself as being any different to any of my colleagues and have, thankfully, not encountered any prejudice or indifference from them or from my employers. If anything I am cared for, and given lots of time to attend my blood tests and checkups. Perhaps I am one of the lucky ones, I recognise that my story is not repeated across the country and yet I believe that with a positive frame of mind, a determined effort to live a full and active life and a responsible attitude to medication and regular check ups, most of us living with HIV can have a 'normal', happy and fulfilling life. I have always felt that HIV is simply a tiny part of the person I am, it does not define me, nor will I allow it to determine my future. 

My boyfriend was diagnosed with HIV 12 years ago. I've been with him about 4 months and I am negative. At first it frightened me. Even though I always wear condoms, and take all reasonable precautions, it is always at the back of my mind. I am an epidemiologist, so I am very aware of the risk of transmission. Despite this, the irrational side of my brain kicks in. I have learnt to live with it now. I love him very much of course, and I know that so long as we practice safe sex the chance of becoming infected is negligible. I am proud of him for having come through the experience. He takes his pills as an act of religious devotion, and he has a positive attitude towards life, both of which are equally important. There are days when he gets the blues, but that's just the way life is. As an epidemiologist, I would say to everyone that there are far worse diseases out there to be worried about, but that doesn't mean you should ever put yourself at risk. It also means that people with HIV need and deserve love and companionship, just like everyone else (if not more so). Don't be afraid.

I'm happy to share my story and welcome the catharsis for me. I was diagnosed in February 2009. I had and continue to have relatively minor problems that have not been explained by extensive medical investigation. I thought I should check every possibility and had a full STD screening. The positive result was the HIV.

I was diagnosed with HIV in January this year and as with everything I've taken to the thought that if you can't fix it, don't worry about it. In saying that, there have been ups and downs, days when I don't want to leave the house and other days when I feel liberated in a way. By liberated, I mean I can stop worrying about catching it and now just concern myself with educating people and by being as safe as possible at all times to stop the spread. Since I found out my status I have joined the gym, a huge step for someone who is allergic to exercise, and also started cycling again. The experience has made me realise that the only important thing in life is your health, if you feel healthy you look healthy and this allows you to feel more confident and comfortable about yourself. I'm lucky enough to not need meds at the moment and that's the thing that's scaring me the most. I'm useless at taking tablets, got a brain like a sieve but no doubt ill work my way around it. I have a good network of friends and my sister for support. I feel that as long as you are open with the people closest to you about your condition it is a lot easier to deal with.

Hi. My name’s Craig. I’m 23, and I’m HIV positive. Today I’m going to talk to you about my journey with HIV, and how HIV has affected my life. HIV can affect anyone, it isn’t biased, it doesn’t care who you sleep with or where you’re from, so I hope that by telling you my story it might help you understand HIV is still very much a problem in today’s world and that it can happen to you. It was never going to happen to me. That’s what I thought. You see the ads in magazines and you think ‘nah not me!’ 2 years ago I was diagnosed.                                                                                                                                

I always used to say that those who're HIV have no one to blame but themselves, how stupidly shallow I was.

I've been positive for a grand total of 4 years and three months. It was a rocky start for me as I got serious seroconversion illness and ended up in hospital for four weeks. Unfortunately I had to take meds from day 1 as my immune system has been so compromised. Today I'm still dealing with the psychological effects of the disease as well as coming to terms with contracting a highly resistant virus. I had a great deal of trouble handling the 'tag' of this illness and attempted suicide then had a breakdown which lasted two years. This disease is not just a physical problem but more so psychological and social, Telling my friends and family and being open about my condition is the toughest, most life changing and maturing thing I have ever done. I am a better person for it, and do see a life for myself, taking and trying to enjoy one day at a time. Life is so precious and we should do our best to preserve our own for as long as we can!

I was diagnosed with HIV 4 years ago, and I have been on treatment 2 years. The side effects from the drug I am on were horrible for the first 2 months. I could not sleep and felt sick all the time. I have learnt to live with this condition and take my meds really without thinking nowadays. I do find it hard to discuss with people especially if it is someone I like, as I have been rejected many times because of my condition.

I contracted HIV despite using condoms for penetrative sex, probably through oral sex. While this is not common, it does happen to a percentage of people, and I was just very unlucky. It has been difficult to accept and made worse by the fact that I caught it due to a number of incidents of cheating on my partner (with 'safe' sex). The only good thing is that despite having unprotected sex with my partner for several months before testing and finding out, he still remained (and remains) HIV negative. Unfortunately for me, the relationship ended once we found out, not because of the HIV but because of the cheating.

My life changed forever on the 16th of June 1988, at the age of 27, just as I was beginning to accept that I was "gay" and not the straight man my friends and family believed me to be. Having almost walked down the isle to marry my fiancée whom I knew I loved but wasn't "in love with" and just having completed 3 years in an international bible school in Denmark for personal growth reasons and looking back for an escape from my hidden life and deepest secrets of my youth, I finally "came out " and admitted to myself and the school I was gay and had always and will always be that way.

I found out I had HIV four years ago. My family didn't know I was gay. I have to admit that I did sleep around and didn't always use condoms. Now that I have HIV I regret it. I hate myself so much for having it. I sometimes wish I wasn't born gay. The reaction I get from some people about people who have HIV here in Scotland is they deserved getting HIV because of gay lifestyle. I have one member of my family who will not talk to me or have any contact with me since I told them I was HIV positive.

My partner and I were diagnosed with HIV in December 2007 and to say it was a shock is an understatement. I think lots of gay men stick their heads in the sand over the issue and imagine it will never happen to them... but with 1 in 20 gay men living with HIV in the UK, it will inevitably spread occasionally. Despite what some of the folk have said in this forum, I have got very good experiences of living with HIV. I have not felt marginalised; I have not felt isolated and I have felt supported at every level. I am not naive enough to suppose that every person's experience is as positive as my own, but my own view is that if you take the time to explain your situation and allow people to make their own assessments, then they will, in most scenarios, accept you, support you and most of all treat you 'normally'. This was my biggest fear - to be treated like a 'leper' or to be set aside as an untouchable. I have not found this at all. I still treat every day as an adventure, like I always did and long may it continue!

I grew up in the 80s, and saw first hand the AIDS adverts. Living in a provincial city... it seemed not to affect us. But I did play safe for many years (with exceptions of potential long term partners) until I moved to London in 1990. I always had tests after each long term relationship and was negative until 2002. 

I was diagnosed with HIV back in June 2008. Initially I went through the beating myself up stage for being so careless and stupid. I also remember how I felt for the first few weeks. It was like there was a dirty alien inside my body. Every time I thought about it I felt sick and wanted to get it out of me. I went through all the fears of death and having to tell people but after a few months realised I had nothing to worry about. I'm lucky that I shouldn't need meds for many years. My best friends and now my parents know my status and are all fine. I've quit smoking recently and eat much more healthily now. Sensible living and PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) are the key factors of living with HIV.

THE OPTIMIST’S TALE

After being diagnosed with HIV over 12 years ago at the age of 30, I can honestly now say that there are some days when I don't ever think about it. To me, that is something I thought I would never be able to say. I realise that I am incredibly lucky to have been diagnosed when I was and to have been able to take my medication without too many side-effects. It hasn't always been an easy road.

I have been diagnosed for almost 6 months and to be honest it does not affect my life, apart from telling potential partners I am HIV positive, something I was dreading but something you soon get used to. I started medication straight away although I was given the option to wait, I don't have any serious side effects providing I take them properly and on time, taking care what and when I eat near to medication time (eating too near to meds gives me a hangover the next day).

I began feeling ill in April, this year. By July I had lost 9 stone in weight, and just slept all of the time. I had every part of my body CT and MRI scanned because the doctors suspected cancer. I am in a loving heterosexual relationship of 27 years, and nothing in my lifestyle suggested the possibility of HIV infection. In desperation, the doctors tested for everything and found HIV. I was rushed into hospital the same day with AIDS and given 2 weeks to live. My immune system was non-existent.

Right... my story is from the different angle - I am the HIV negative party in a HIV+/HIV- couple. My partner developed what later was to be diagnosed as Kaposi's sarcoma - and because my sister is an oncologist I had always heard about different types of cancer, etc. I had my suspicions that he could have been HIV positive because his previous two partners were. So, I decided right from the start to always have protected sex... 5 years later, this sarcoma appears, we go straight to a dermatologist (abroad) who tells us that it's likely to be Kaposi's sarcoma. We go to a lab (abroad), have blood tests and he was positive. We were both devastated. My father had died the previous year, and I was in emotional turmoil over it. A year has passed; he decided not to tell ANYONE at all - including his mother and son. So, only I know. And I agonise over what the future awaits for him, his son and his mum. If he falls ill, then I will have to tell them. This consumes me. Our sex life has died, but I love him and I want to stay with him. Boys/Girls... Be careful. And my love goes to everyone out there affected by HIV, positive or negative.

I was diagnosed 12 years ago and was so ill I should have been dead, according to the doctors. After feeling sorry for myself for a few months, I picked myself up and have never looked back. I feel incredibly fortunate to live in a country where treatment is free and medical staff are understanding and not patronising. My life is not affected because I won't let it. Sexual relationships are more difficult than they may be but if someone can't deal with the compromise of wearing a condom, then they're not man enough for me anyway. I am a much stronger person because of HIV and in a way; it's been the making of me.

My wee cousin Iain died of AIDS aged 33 in 1996. As kids we were like brother & sister but growing up we went our different ways & didn't hear from each other for quite a few years.

I was in a gay relationship for 10 years. During most of that time unbeknown to me my partner was sleeping around. Excuses such as 'working late' or a straight mate had 'relationship problems and wanted to talk' etc were given all the time. Being trusting, or stupid I don't know, I didn't give it a second thought.

After going for a routine check up just over a year ago I was unlucky to find out that the test came back showing I have HIV. At first you think 'no the test is wrong' and 'have they mixed the results up?' But then the truth starts to sink in that yes, it's you. Luckily for me I was not put straight on to medications. So off home I went, and then off to tell the family and friends that I wanted to know. Luckily for me I have great family and friends and they are supporting me to the full. So to cut a long story short, it's been back and forth to the G.U.M. clinic every 3 months, my results going up and down like a yo-yo. Well, two weeks ago the doctor came to me and said "Look Carl, its time we started medication". So at the minute I'm on two tablets a day. After going back last week I have been informed that if goes well I should be on one tablet a day by the end of January 2010. So yes, it's not a case of letting HIV rule your life, it's all about you living it and hanging on in there.

Well, I have been HIV positive since April this year and to be honest I'm still going through it, but I've got my close knit friends and family that are helping me each day at a time. I'm very open and honest with my situation and I'm going for sessions with my counsellor to get me through it. At the moment I'm trying to find somewhere to live so I'm able to do things for myself, but with my mum's and friends' help that should be good!

I went for a job interview in 1996 and had to undergo a medical examination. The position was offered to me, I was 22 at the time and the clinic in Harley Street phoned me up and told me over the phone that my HIV test results came back positive! Well I didn't expect that, as the only time that was racing through my mind was the time I was in Canada when I got drunk in a night club and some guy took advantage!   My world came crashing down as all my friends and family knew I was offered the job and were expecting me to be leaving soon. I didn't know how to deal with it as back then there was no support and I couldn't or didn't want to tell anyone, so I just parked it in my head. In 1997 I met someone really nice and decided to sleep him, yes looking back it was the wrong thing to do but how do you tell a partner that on the 1st date? They would run a mile! Well, unbeknownst to me, six months later after unprotected sex I had to come clean as I could not live with my self. He was really supportive and said he sort of knew as there was always something on my mind. He got tested and he was negative and still is today. Our relationship didn't work as he told people in my circle of friends, without asking me first. We were together for 7 years but I decided to end it with him as I loved him but I wasn't in love with him. To this day, I can't date anyone else as I am scared of going through it all again. I am very healthy, eat the right food and I love the gym. I am good looking but have realised as the big 40 approaches I don't want to be on my own. That is 4 years away! Where do you go or meet people with similar stories?

My name is Nick. I was diagnosed 2 years ago after admission to hospital with an unrelated illness. I was lucky, because I was getting towards the point where a serious HIV related illness would have been likely.

My name's John and I was diagnosed HIV positive 2 days before my 30th birthday this year in January. I thought I'd been careful and safe, so when an ex-partner approached me saying they had been diagnosed positive, I thought everything would be ok. So, 2 days before my 30th I went for same day testing thinking that a negative result would give me the definitive fresh start for my 30th year. However, I was unfortunate to be diagnosed positive. My life had ended in my head at that point, I was going away with friends to Amsterdam for my birthday, and didn't want to go. I spent about 2 months mulling things round in my head, funeral plans, way too much alcohol, junk food etc. But by the end of March something clicked in me. I had great support from my friends and through sharing experiences online with 2 guys I turned a corner, and for that I can't thank these guys enough, or my close friends who accepted my news with support and love. I've joined a gym, walked the west highland way in the summer and am now living my life as a person who has a medical condition, not a death sentence that I had thought after diagnosis.

I was diagnosed about a year ago as HIV positive. It was really hard to deal with at first but now its just part of me and my life. I can't turn back time so I accepted it's a part of me but not who I am. I'm still a fiancé, son, brother and a father.

I was diagnosed about 15 months ago.

I have been living with HIV (knowingly) since December 23rd 1994.

Almost a year to the day I was diagnosed HIV positive.   The diagnosis was during my seroconversion, and I felt so rough - unlike anything I'd been 'ill' with before. Looking back at that I was fortunate, because I had the diagnosis soon after the contraction - so I have, therefore, had professional help to monitor my health from a very early stage.

I've been HIV positive since 1993. Although I maintain myself fairly healthily through the grace of God, my Family, and my doctor; I must say from personal experience that HIV and AIDS deprives the individual socially. My day begins and ends taking medications. I no longer have my shapely figure, and now sport what is called a buffalo hump in the back of the neck due to the fat distribution caused by these medications. This is a side affect common among women. This affects my breathing to the point where I've been diagnosed with a sleeping disorder and it makes me feel less of a person. HIV is very prevalent and is very real. I keep hoping for a cure; however somehow I feel that we have been forever forgotten. I am a 49 year old woman, divorced, married most of life. I acquired HIV through heterosexual contact - casual dating in the 80's.

I call HIV my 'Christmas Disease', because it just keeps giving! I'm a white, (young), middle aged woman who has been positive 8 years now. I'm VERY lucky in that I have a fantastic consultant who goes above and beyond to help me, and a network of what I call my 'alternative family'. All this has come at a cost to both my mental and physical health though. I had to fight for every single benefit, appealing for DLA on no less than EIGHTEEN occasions for myself and others. I'm on meds, having a few problems with my previously undetectable viral load at the moment, and it's amazing how quickly I was frightened out of my complacency, expecting my body to do what it's told! I'm not someone who believes you can 'love your virus'. You live with it, like a parasite, and hope it'll be a symbiotic relationship! There's far too little support, less money and STILL the stigma, and I'm sorry, anyone who says it's altered dramatically is living in a fool's paradise! All the nonsense about HIV being 'just like diabetes'! I ask you? Can you sit in public and discuss your HIV freely and without fear? NO. So like diabetes huh? For some strange reason, this little virus marginalises us, leaving many people adrift and isolated. So, what do we do? Sit on our behinds and moan? I hope not. Get out there people, in any small way you can. If ONE person changes their attitude because of you, it's a step forward! DEMAND better treatment, get the benefits you have a RIGHT to and above all, fight! Even if your battle is a small, quiet one, we need to move things on, and for every person who makes a stand, however tiny, we are closer to being accepted, freely and fully.

I want to share my story - I think it will help! I was in a monogamous relationship for 13 years (2 years as a civil partner) The past five months have been hell - It wasn't monogamous - in fact it was anything but including my partner admitting he had had unprotected sex with over 100 men during our relationship. I am now dealing with the aftermath. Two HIV tests (Negative results returned) and other sexually related tests and the pain and indignity of the GUM clinic (Although it's got to be said they were very kind and understanding). My now ex-partner was accessing illegal porn and I have received help with over 120 instances of domestic abuse. Trust eh! (And I thought I knew everything about him). Please, please take heed of the warnings - no matter what your 'lust' head tells you. My experience is that even if you believe you are everything to someone (the 'love head') - You might just not be. This is not meant to be a sweeping statement - I know lots of people who know the meaning of the word monogamous! While I try to recover my life I just wanted to share the importance of you loving and respecting you! 

I was diagnosed 5 years ago, I take 1 pill a day and have done for nearly a year, I still cant quite believe I have HIV but I try not to let it interfere with my life, keep a brave face I guess.

Hello, my name is Richard I was told I had HIV July 19th 2.45 2007. It's not something you forget until a long time after or maybe you never do, ask me in another 40 years and I'd probably say the same. To me it's a birth date, of what was before, and what was left after. It's a line you cross and there's nothing you can do about it.

In June 2009 my partner's brother, and my good friend, told us he had tested positive for HIV nearly 2 years prior. He had been afraid to tell us, all of his friends and family, because of the stigma of the disease. He thought we might shun him, think badly of him, or make fun of him. Nothing could have been further from the truth and we were very anxious to be supportive and help him fight in any way we could. Unfortunately for him, and for all of us, it was too late. He became ill in July and by late August it was clear that he would not recover. He died on September 15, 2009 at the age of 29. We are now left wondering what we could have done differently, how we could have saved him, and why he was too afraid to tell us. If I can help just one family, or one person to overcome their fear of seeking help, getting tested, getting on medication, then his death will not have been in vain. PLEASE trust your friends and family to support you, PLEASE encourage your loved ones to get tested and get help. Nobody should die because they feel ashamed and alone.

I recently came out of a 12 year relationship and although it was an open relationship there is always the risk that one of us could be affected.

I had unprotected sex with a guy who had HIV, I was aware he had it but I made the silly mistake of carrying on with it because we were both drunk.

I was diagnosed HIV positive nearly 10 years ago, and knew before I went for the test that I would be positive. At the time was seriously ill and had rapid weight loss and infection after infection and at the time remember thinking that this is the end of my life. How so happily wrong I was!

When my friend Brandon first told me that he was living with HIV, I thought, "Poor thing, he must mean 'dying' with HIV." But listening to his story, witnessing the routines and resolve, accompanying him on visits to the doctor, then listening to him laugh himself to tears was a lesson on real living.

Though I know I probably had encountered someone else living with HIV without knowing it, I never really thought the hype was real until he came into my life. It was a blessing to meet him, a wake up call, and a chance for me to grow up. What continues to surprise me about myself is that I don't have the question, "Man, how can he live like this?" I ask myself, "How could I afford not to live with the appreciation and gratitude that he shows every day?"

I have been living with HIV for almost 7 years now. At first I was scared and lost, but fortunately I have some very wonderful friends that helped me through it! The beginning can be confusing and scary, but once you've overcome that hurdle you can deal with anything in life! I now look forward to everything that life has to offer instead of just letting it pass me by.

I became aware of my HIV status in 2000 aged 20. It was just an impromptu walk into the test centre but I didn't think I was a candidate to be carrying the virus. I just pushed it to the back of my mind and quickly decided I wasn't going to die. I am naturally someone with an incredible coping mechanism. I didn't worry at all because I could not afford to show worry to my friends & family and give an explanation for it.

I first learned I was HIV positive in 2007, I remember it vividly because I was at work and when I got the news I went to the parking lot and fell to my knees with my eyes full of tears. The pain was almost unbearable. I was alone and didn't know how I was going to tell my family or friends or even if I should. I was ashamed. How could this have happened to me after one time of unprotected sex? 

I was diagnosed in 2006, aged 18.

When I was 14 my father died. He was a very friendly and loving man. 

He had fallen into a depression and starting using drugs. In his drug use he got HIV. He was so ashamed of being alienated and outcast he didn't tell anyone. He just slowly faded away until it got too much. When the family finally found out we supported him and took care of him. Our view of him never changed.

Sadly the disease did get the best of him, mainly due to him not getting it treated due to the fear of stigma. I just want everyone to know that it is not a curse or a reason not to love be there for someone. We need to focus more on this issue to fight it and save more people from the hurt my family is feeling. To set the record straight, my father was not gay, however he did drugs. This is NOT a gay only disease, that stigma must go as well. Anyone can get this.

My name is Dennis. I am 33 years old. I have been living with AIDS for 18 years now since I was diagnosed at 15.

I am a haemophiliac and acquired the disease through a blood transfusion as a young boy. I remember the day clearly that the doctor told me my test results had returned to them with a positive result.

I knew before he told me though. I had been sick for a few years and my weight had fallen to just eighty pounds. I was terrified by the results. I immediately started thinking about all the things I thought I wouldn't achieve or live to see.

Boy was I wrong... I am living healthily today. I take medications everyday to keep me going. I am getting married in 2011 and my fiancée and I are in the process of trying to conceive a healthy HIV free child. I am content and very rarely feel sorry for myself. I deal with the symptoms of the illness and always strive to do better. I will never let my illness hold me back from the things I want to do with my life and I never put a death sentence on my future. I am not dying of AIDS... I am LIVING with AIDS.

I am 27 years old and I became HIV positive 7 years ago. I came into a time when HIV wasn't as scary as it was before so I didn't really have a fear of it. I however have become much more conscious about my health now. My viral load is undetectable and I am a healthy beautiful man. I am in a relationship with a man who is HIV negative and we make it work. It is not the end of the world for me. It may be a struggle for me at times but without struggle comes no progress. HIV is a part of me but does not define me. I'm happy I'm alive and well.

My partner and I were monogamous and used protection every time, until two years had passed. Then we didn't use protection, because we were sure neither of us carried HIV. Three years later, my partner was diagnosed with AIDS. His HIV was traced to a blood transfusion prior to our relationship. I then got tested, and I was positive. But life did not end. I see my doctor regularly and take my meds every day. It is now almost 13 years later and I am still healthy, and the virus is undetectable. I can still see a future 20 years down the road. Get tested, use protection, and live.

I am a woman affected by HIV and AIDS. I fell in love with a man that has been living with his diagnosis for 18 years now. He is my hero. Dennis always holds his head up high and never lets himself give up his daily fight.

He is on five pills a day which keep him alive and well. We are getting married in the fall of 2011 and are attempting to have our first child. We can have a healthy baby and that is wonderful news compared to the things you used to hear about not being able to do twenty years ago.

Dennis and I live for each day and thank God he has given us another one. We know the road isn't always easy... but we are travelling it and enjoying it. Dennis is not dying of AIDS... he is living with it.

I was diagnosed with HIV in 2005 when I was 24 years old I remember thinking that's the end of my life. Little did I know that it was just the beginning now I have got a 3 year old daughter who I thought I would never have and am actually happy about myself thanks to all the doctors.

I found out I was HIV positive in 2001 at 51 years old, I was already divorced for about 6 years.  I was in a relationship with a man my sister introduced me to.  I was devastated. I thought 'not me', when I was growing up the worst worry was getting pregnant.

The hardest thing was telling my children, I already felt they resented me for a lot of things, now to tell them this... I still have trouble with feeling guilty, ashamed, I want them to be proud of me, not worry about how long they will have me. Their father was killed when they were small, now to think they could lose me. They love me, I know, with the support of my dear mother, children, most of all the Lord has helped me. I just thank God as hard as finding out was, I might not be here if I hadn't…

It seems so long ago - April 1992 was when I was diagnosed with HIV, shortly after my 20th Birthday. I thought that was it - a few years of being ill and then I'd be dead...

I found out I was HIV positive at the age of 19. When I found out I didn't believe that it was true because I was young. I later found out that I probably had it for about a year before I actually found out the truth.  

Well, we all made it 1 more year.

My brother pass way from this in 1980. He passed on December 3 1980 and his b-day was December 11. He was only 29 years old. Then I found out, that I was positive when I was 25 and now I am 47 and having no problems thank god. Take everyday to the fullest. Had my mom there with me. If it was not bad enough having to son with this but one did not make it and other is still alive.

My mother lived for 15 years after being diagnosed with AIDS. It was heartbreaking to watch her lose her life to this disease. She passed away April 2008 after fighting to live every day and being told in 1993 that she only had a few months left. I am so thankful to her doctors and those who helped us care for her.

My HIV journey began in 1986 with what turned out to be a life changing, but not life ending diagnosis of HIV. The early years were riddled with physical and emotional challenges, but now it feels like a chronic disease that I have some control over with the help of modern health care. During that time I graduated from college, graduate school, moved and changed jobs a few times, married, bought and sold houses, made many new friends and have a child. Essentially, I'm living a normal life. 

I have been living with HIV for almost 13 years now.   I trusted someone who I later found out was not honest with me. I was 26 yrs old. Now I am 38 and can honestly say in the best shape mentally and physically in my life. My struggle has been that I've never told my family, only a few close friends and those I've been sexually active with. I can only ask those of you who are HIV negative to be smart (have safe sex) and be compassionate to those of us who are HIV positive.

I was diagnosed in August after several blood tests which proved inconclusive, I had no reason to think I might be HIV positive. I simply took the test because I was starting out with a new partner. Thank God I did, I have found out while I am still very strong and healthy, and my partner has not contracted the virus. He's been so good to stand by me and stay with me, and we just recently went for a retest. I cannot say thank you enough to Jim at Mayday's sexual health clinic, his care and professionalism have been second to none.

I was diagnosed with HIV in 1992 so it's been a long time. There is not a day that I don't think about it and am aware of the fact that I carry this disease. Aside from the pills and the required doctor's visits - both of which I could do without but as you know, must live with - I live a normal, healthy life.

I tested HIV positive in September of 1991. I was 25 years old. I was told I would be dead in a year. By the grace of God - 18 years later - I am still here. Working, loving & living. It hasn't been an easy journey, and I have lost friends along the way - but I have hope and thanks to my meds, resolve and determination, I plan to be around for a long time!

I was diagnosed when they had me in the hospital for about a month, and my whole life seemed to fall apart. 

As a straight guy with HIV in 1994 I was given a month to live back then, but then the new protease meds helped and I got better than I was, but losing 50 lbs and a lot of self-esteem made me into a virtual shut-in. 

The years of taking meds and hospital visits too numerous to list have taken their toll on me. I'm very happy to have lasted as long and healthily as I have, but it sure would be nice not to feel as lonely and isolated all the time. I can't remember the last time I've walked along with a woman, holding hands and enjoying the day together. I won't risk spreading it, I wouldn't and couldn't do that to someone else, I know what it's like and it's terrible. But for those who do have it, stay as happy as possible and take the meds on time, all the time. I might hate my fate, but I have to accept it and do the best what can with it.

My name is Christina and I was diagnosed with HIV a year ago. My story is quite the same as other women who have contracted the virus by a person you thought you could trust. You see I have been with this man for 14 yrs and when we found out I was blown away. 

Obviously he cheated because I have only been with him. I thought I was safe with him. I never thought this could happen to me. We re still together he did start the meds but then he quit them.  He’s in denial and days he’s stronger now. I have not started meds. My doctor says my t-cells are where they should be. Our life has been turned upside down – him with his denial and me in my own little world. I have done a lot of research on HIV and I’m well aware.  I fear for my man of 14 yrs because of his denial.  I cannot reach him and he would rather not hear it.  

My dad is HIV positive. I and my two sisters saw him gradually become very ill, and depressed. He weighed about eight stone and he is six foot. After discussion and dad's GP simply upping his anti-depressants, I and my older sister took my dad to A and E and he was admitted. He had double pneumonia and TB. 

I am a carer of a man living with HIV.

We have been partners for 19 years. He is just a wonderful man and I love him totally. He has been unwell for nearly 12 years of the 19. First with an unknown autoimmune illness and just 6 years ago he was exposed to HIV as well. He is the hero in my life. He deals with both of these illnesses with amazing courage. Days are hard now and again when he feels really shitty. He gets angry with the bugs but not at me. He constantly has to engage with the health system, but its routine to him. If it were me I am sure I would be ready to mangle something or someone. He continues to support friends who are less well than himself. Why I ask, because they need it. This may mean he travels on buses for hours to get their and the same back. He is unable to work and that just kills him inside. He is such a creative and progressive spirit. He has learned to build computers and so when he can he makes one and sells it for pocket money that he has earned for himself.

My name is Hannah I was diagnosed with HIV two years ago. I have been on antiretrovirals for one year; the thing I feel sad about is that I am in a minority group. I am a white middle class hard working young lady. In support groups there's no one like me, at clinic there's no one like me! No one talks about it.